I sit here. A small blinking cursor mocks me as I grasp for words.
If you are one of the four people still reading this blog (thank you for that) then you know the reason for my recent absence.
How does one justly memorialize their mother and biggest cheerleader with simple words?
I have spent two days convincing myself to open this page and type. I have not succeeded. So much of me wants to just close the tab and quietly walk away. Forever.
But I can't quit. If Mom was anything, she was stubborn. Not the sweet funny kind of stubborn. I mean stubborn. I cannot remember a single time Mom quit simply because things got hard. I will not quit. She would want me to carry on. So I will.
I will miss picking up the phone just to talk. No more messages from her on my answering machine. Messages so long even the machine ran out of patience and cut her off. Only to have her call again to finish whatever important thing she had to tell me.
No more tiny ziploc bags full of Boxtops cut precisely for the kids' school fundraiser. No more Valentine cards for the kids with the McDonald's gift card carefully taped inside so as not to be lost.
No more hugs from the person I've called Mom for my entire life.
And no more Jell-0.
How does one carry on with such a big hole in their heart?
I don't know.
But I am certain of these things.
She loved Jesus. And though I miss her terribly, I rest in the confidence I will see her again.
For today that is enough.
Love you Mom.